


Sweaters and Blue Books

by haveacuppafeels



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Catch Me I'm Falling, Catch Me I'm Falling Epilogue, M/M, Maggies Epilogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-01
Updated: 2013-08-01
Packaged: 2017-12-22 00:02:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/906510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haveacuppafeels/pseuds/haveacuppafeels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Today, August 1st 2013 is exactly one year since Mattie and I have posted Catch Me I'm Falling. A story that literally changed my life. A lot of people wanted to know what happened to Louis at the end of chapter 26 and to be honest we didn't know. We all have our own ideas of what happens in the end and we liked the idea of keeping it open ended because then the story never really had to end. But eventually we decided to each write our own epilogue. Two separate endings, two ways it could have gone, this one is mine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sweaters and Blue Books

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Catch Me I'm Falling](https://archiveofourown.org/works/490032) by [FeelsForBreakfast](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeelsForBreakfast/pseuds/FeelsForBreakfast). 



July 17th

 

It wasn’t long after Harry died that Louis’ body started to give out on him as well. One month after the funeral Louis was admitted to the hospital full time. It was mainly his lungs which were inadvertently refusing to be lungs. But it was also the fact that his body wasn’t responding to the chemo: his cancer had grown to the point where it nearly consumed Louis completely and he could barely even hold himself up.

Zayn visited him every once and awhile. After Harry died they had become something like close friends. They never talked much, but when they did it was about Harry and never really ended on the happiest of notes. There was also the fact that Louis’ room was just down the hall from where Harry’s had been and Zayn’s still not sure if that made things better or worse. He guesses that there was a reason Louis barely left his room. Zayn knows how it feels to simply walk by and to see the door alone, it causes a rush of hope that would just fall empty. For a while it was okay, for a while there was no one else in the room that had once been Harry’s but one day Zayn walked by and noticed someone in there. It was wrong. It was Harry’s room and at least when it was empty it was like some semblance of him was still there. But having a new patient in there felt wrong. Like everyone else had moved on, everyone but Zayn and Louis. To the rest of the world Harry was just a number. Another poor soul claimed by the cruel and cold grasp of cancer.

Soon Louis was worse, his lungs reached an even more deteriorated state. Fluid flowed into them like water from a tap that wasn’t completely shut. He had a tube in his side almost constantly and it seemed that no matter how fast they drained him, his lungs would fill up just as quickly.

In some ways the way that Louis had died was better than how Harry had. But in some ways, it was worse. Harry didn’t have to feel the pain of losing a loved one, he had not been conscious and he simply had not been in the same pain as Louis. When Louis died he wasn’t exactly alive in the first place. Most of his life had gone with Harry. His body was ruined, running on a machine that forced the air in and out of his lungs, unable to breath on their own. It was his decision to die, to turn of the machines that forced life into him as his body was already dead..

Everyone was there, Liam, Danielle, Niall and Zayn. He didn’t want us there of course, who would want their friends to watch them die? But as Louis once told Zayn whilst one of their many talks about Harry, love is watching someone die. And we all loved Louis, in one way or another. We didn’t want him to die like Harry either, alone. That’s another thing Zayn regrets the most. Not being there when Harry died. He was sure that the thought of Harry alone in that OR all by himself tortured Louis to know end. Zayn wasn’t going to let that happen to him.

They were all surrounding his bed, waiting for the nurse to come in, to pull the plug. Danielle was clutching Louis hand, probably crying the most out of all of us. Liam was next to her, letting slow tears fall down his face. They resembled parents, watching over their broken child. Niall, was clutching his other hand, crying almost as much as Danielle which was funny because he probably knew Louis the least but that was who Niall was, over emotional and caring. Then there was Zayn. He wasn’t crying. Zayn felt empty. Sitting in a chair silently he thought how shit it was that he would lose two of the people he cared about most in this world. And both to the same fucking disease of all things. Then Louis began to speak, his breath rasping and labored. But he spoke none the less. He was determined. He was saying goodbye.

“Liam,” He spoke first. “Thank you. Thank you for being there for me, for making me eat your stupid pancakes after a round of chemo, even if I was going to just throw it back up ten minutes later. Thank you for putting up with me, with my moodiness, my irritableness, my cancer. Thank you for being the best friend I have ever had. Present tense. Thank you for everything. I love you” When he finished he took a few rasping breaths trying to continue.

“Danielle, thank you. Thank you for the cupcakes, thank you for being annoying and loving the idea of me and Harry together, thank you for watching sappy disney movies with me, thank you for being one of the sweetest women I have ever met. And I swear if Liam doesn’t marry you one day I may just have to come back and haunt his ass. I love you as well.” When he was done she gave him a hug tight enough to kill him right there.

He spoke to Niall next, complementing his compassion, his friendship and telling him he loved him also. Niall’s reaction was much like Danielle’s though he was slightly more careful with the hug. When he pulled away Louis paused for a long time. So long that Zayn thought he wasn’t going to get a goodbye. But then Louis finally looked at him. Locked eyes with him and gave him the saddest smile and Zayn understood.

“Zayn, in the top drawer… they’re… they’re yours now.” He said while nodding towards the dresser on the other side of the room. Zayn slowly got up and crossed the room. He didn’t know what he would find. But he wasn’t surprised to find the three objects that lay neatly inside.

There was a sweater, Harry’s sweater, Louis last piece of Harry the one he wore for weeks after his death. Zayn was surprised he wasn’t wearing it now. There was a picture, one of Louis and Harry, the night they all went bowling. One of the last nights everything was mildly okay. The third was a book. The blue cover read The Fault in Our Stars. Confused, I picked it up but Louis voice stopped me before I could open it. “Don’t- Don’t read it… until… until I’m-” I knew what he meant. He didn’t have to say it. He didn’t want me to read it until he was dead.

I went and sat solemnly back in my chair and we all sat in silence until the nurse came in. She pressed the button that would turn off the machines and we all watched as Louis faded away before us. He only spoke once more before he left. He said it with a slight smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye, like someone was welcoming him home. He had spoken too softly for anyone to hear, but Zayn knew what he had said. During one of their many talks Louis had mentioned it to him, that when he died he hoped he would see Harry again. Louis was right, Harry was there to welcome him home.

 

July 18th

 

Zayn still sat in Louis room. He hadn’t really moved actually. After they came in and took him away. He just sat here. Staring that that damn blue book. He was about to open it and start reading when he heard it. The tell tale rolling of an oxygen tank on the hospital floor. It stopped just inside the door and when he glanced up to see who was there he was surprised.

It was a little boy, no older than six. One hand clutched about his oxygen tank, the other around a coloring book and a box of crayons. Zayn watched him as his eyes searched the room for someone he wouldn’t find. When his eyes landed on Zayn he posed the question.

“Where’s mista Lou? …I wanted to color.” And that simple sentence, that is when Zayn broke, when he started to cry. He gave him the only answer he could.

“He’s um… He’s with Harry.”

He watched as the little gears inside his head turned and he asked another question. Inching closer to Zayn. “The one he loves?” He nodded, tears still falling, “Yeah, the one he loves.”

“Did you love him too?” He looked so sad. Too sad for a six year old to ever be.

“In a way, I loved them both.” He replied.

He understood. This small boy who had suffered so much pain already, understood what happened and he simply sat down in front of Zayn. And asked, “Can you read me that book? Louis never let me read it. Said it was too special.”

“I thought you wanted to color?” Zayn asked. If Louis had said no then maybe it wasn’t the best ideo.

“But I miss him, I wanna do something he did, and he liked to read that book. So can you please read it to me?” The boy begged. Zayn could tell he wanted to cry, this poor little boy who had looked up to Louis so much. Zayn couldn’t say no.

“Okay.”

And as Zayn read to him. He saw it all. As his eyes moved over the notes and annotations in Louis’ and Harry’s handwriting. He understood. This was their book. Louis gave Zayn a piece of them to hold onto forever and there was no doubt in his mind that they were together now. Living the life that cancer ripped away from them. And Zayn felt a little better that way. Louis had left him pieces of them both. Maybe so he could make sure that even though he and Harry were dead, their story stayed alive in at least one mind. So that to at least one person Louis and Harry weren’t just another number, another poor soul and to Zayn that was everything. 

 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, so I'm Maggie. I was the other one behind Catch Me I'm Falling. This was my ending, I don't know why but I prefer sad endings. Even still, it compares in no way to Mattie's so if you haven't go read hers. You should probably read both then you'll have a wider view of things.  
> I just wanted to say thankyou for liking Catch Me I'm Falling. Writing (partly), editing and brainstorming for that story changed so many things about me. To be honest, without CMIF Mattie and I would have never met and that's the craziest thing to me. Simply because I liked a fic and said, "Hey ever thought of writing one like this?" and she said, "Hey write it with me." So yeah, thankyou for liking Catch Me I'm Falling. It's still probably one of my favorite stories ever. Mattie, I love you stupid amounts thanks for letting me do this thing with you :)  
> -Maggie


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